The Chair

Well it happened...the one thing I hoped would never happen. I prayed that it wouldn't happen...for nine years. I prayed diligently, "Lord, if anything has to break around here, please don't let it be that." In spite of all that praying, the pump on my water well went out yesterday. Now, hold on...there's a good story here. This really ain't about a well...it's about (whisper) anger management. I've come a long ways in nine years. I am a far better man than I was back in those days. Don't get me wrong, I was a good ol' boy back then, but if something just jerked my chain wrong...I had a bit of a temper. I'll tell ya, that temper use to cause me all sorts of headaches...and get me in more trouble than I could get out of sometimes. It has caused me so much trouble that nowdays about the only thing that gets me wound up is someone stealing my chair up at the bar while I'm out on the dance floor. That's about it. Other than that, I'm a cool cucumber. The year was 2001...June, I think. I was down in south Texas on a business trip when I received a phone call from what was my little woman at the time. I could tell she was frantic over the phone, which was nothing to be alarmed about since it never took a whole lot to make her frantic. She told me that there was no water..what was she going to do? There I was, eight hours away and could not pull myself away from my business, so I told her to pick up the phone book and find a well service and call them. Maybe they could take a look and get water back up to the house so she could quit being frantic. I arrived back home a couple of days later and my little sweetie was no longer frantic...the water was working. My first question was, "So, how much did it cost?" She smiled, "Twenty five hundred dollars." My eyes bugged out as I repeated the staggering amount in a louder than normal voice. She continued, "But,the man was very nice and worked so hard to get the pump fixed. He really was a very nice man." I can be a pretty nice guy if twenty five hundred dollars is at stake. I ran a check for the amount of the repair over and paid the 'nice man' the next day. I wasn't all that impressed with him myself...but what do I know about 'nice men?' Things just sorta started going sour for my sweetie and me the summer of 2001 and around the first of September we both reached a decision that we probably shouldn't be living together anymore. As things usually go, I was the one who packed up a tiny bit of stuff and took up residence in a tiny apartment in town. She and my children stayed in the house out on our little farm. We both began adjusting to our new ways of life. I read every library book in the little library in town and watched TV on the little bitty black and white TV that I managed to abscound when I left. She...found her a new man. Didn't take long...a few weeks. She was happy with her new man...he was a nice man. Uh-huh...he was 'the well man.' A few months drifted by and I began wandering out now and then. I'd run up to the city and go dancing on Saturday nights. My little life was coming along fairly well. I was really doing OK. My ex- sweetie and I worked together with the children..I had them on Friday nights...she would go out dancing with her 'nice man'...or whatever they were really doing. She would keep the kids on Saturday nights and I'd run up to the city and go dancing. All in all, it was working. One particuliar Friday that I had the kids, my daughter had developed a fever. I ran to Walmart and bought some medicine and I held that baby and tried my best to do what only a mother could do...make it better. It was a sleepless night for both of us. By noon the next day, her fever had broke and she was feeling a little better. I took the kids back to their mom around four that afternoon and went back to my tiny apartment and crashed. I woke up around seven that evening and decided I'd go dancing. As I headed out the door, I spotted the medicine I had bought at Walmart. Uh-oh, that baby might need that tonight, I thought as I grabbed it. I headed out to the house with the medicine and as I pulled onto the dirt road that led to the house, I spotted the well-man's little Mustang convertible parked in the spot that use to be mine. I'm good...I thought. He's out here on a Satruday night...in my house...with my kids...and what use to be my sweetie. I can handle this, I told myself...after all, I was heading up to the city to dance wit all the pretty girls. I knocked on the door and my ex opened it a crack. I handed her the medicine and told her I just thought she might need it. She took it without a word and as she stepped back to close the door, I spotted him...the well-man...sitting in what use to be MY Lazyboy recliner. I drove down the road, telling myself...it's ok...he's in your house...with your kids...and your ex...sitting in your chair. No...that was more than I could handle...he was sitting in my chair! I spun my pickup around and floored it. The truck raced down the dirt road aiming straight for his little mustang. My final thought was I didn't want my kids to see me dead...and I swerved at the very last moment. I raced to the front door and flung it open...and there I was...standing in my living room facing the man who was sitting in my chair. I yelled, "That's MY chair. Get out of my chair!" He obeyed...he now stood face to face with me. I continued,"...and half of this house ifs mine! You stay out of my half. I walked over to the hall leading to the bedrooms and pointed, "This half is mine...STAY OUT of my half." My kids were sobbing, my ex was...uh, frantic. The well-man just stood and stared at me. My ex pushed him out the door and ordered him to leave...I followed, still ranting. She placed herself between him and me, hands outstretched, screaming for him to leave, "Leave NOW..He WILL hurt you." Finally he left. She and I sat up till dawn at the kitchen table and as the sun came up...we both agreed that nothing had changed. She called me the following Monday, "He's at the lawyer's office. He's getting a restraining order against you...and he's filing assault charges." I shook my head, "What a freaking wuss. What happened to the day where two guys settled things man to man and went on about their business." She replied, "I tried to talk him out of it. It won't be good if he does this...you might lose your job..." I remained silent. She said, "I'll try again." then hung up the phone. I had a sleepless night that night. The phone rang early the next morning...it was her, "He says he will let it go if you sign over the farm to me...give up all claims to it...and stay away from him." Later that afternoon, I signed the paper that would make it all go away. A couple of months later my ex found herself a new 'nice man' and eventually moved to the city. She gave the farm back to me...and everything was as it should be. Everyday for nine years I drive by the well-man's place of business on my way to work. If I leave the house a few minutes late...I have to watch him walk from him vehicle to his shop...I have arrived at work fifteen minutes early every day for nine years. Every day for nine years I say a little prayer as I drive by his shop begging that my well will hold up...and it did...until yesterday. I wrote the check out and handed it to him this afternoon. He took it and stared at it, "I'm sorry I had to charge so much...but it's a long ways down here from the city... fifty mile drive both ways..ya know?" I grinned as he stuck the check in his shirt pocket, "Hey...I got water...you got nine hundred bucks...and I get to keep the farm. I'm happy if you're happy!" Just a little tip: Whatever you do...don't EVER sit in my chair! I have flashbacks!

Email this joke to a friend
Your email address :
Your friends address :
Recieve jokes in your email.

Rate this joke
Very Good	Good	Average	Poor	Very Poor

Subscribe

[email protected] Rusty Goat Home Today's Jokes Funniest Joke Today's Goat Joke Today's Texas Joke Our Joke Library Today's Comics Political Cartoons Funny Videos Powered by Easy Site Network Visit these great sites Funny Humor \| Great Recipes \| Fun Quizzes